This Fic Was Purposefully Left Untitled
by Yorusoi
Summary: The true summary is on the inside. I can't post it due to its content and I didn't want to censor it. But it's dark. It has a plot though I promise! So check out the sum and if you like, feel free to continue. Thanks.
1. Chapter 1

**This Fic Purposefully Left Untitled**

**Genre: AGNST/ROMANCE**

**Rating: T+ to NC-17**

**Author: Yorusoi**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach nor it's characters. I am not making any money off of this work of fanfiction.**

**Summary: Whoever said "dying is easy, it's living that's hard" didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Shihouin Yoruichi, and I've been trying to die for the last seven-thousand years.**

**AN: Yeah. I'm in one of those moods. Be warned.**

**No seriously though. This will be dark, very dark, even more-so than Devotion. I will toy with drugs, themes of suicide, murder, and rape. I don't find these things to be laughing matters at all, but they are necessary to the plot. There will also be coarse language, and sexual themes as well as a fem slash. If any of the following bothers you, please exit the way you came. **

**Thank you**

**Yorusoi**

* * *

I can't count how many times I've tried this tactic.

I gave up counting after three-thousand and forty-seven.

But here I go again. Maybe the (known) three-thousand and forty-eighth time will be the charm? But I doubt it. I know this probably won't work. I don't even know why I'm trying.

Maybe I'm a masochist who relishes in the feeling of disappointment and pain? One who cherishes the sound of blood curdling screams as if the one who emits them were my own personal Johann Pachelbel, and the screams was their Canon.

For those who really knew me, (or know of me) you'd say that was normal. (Which by the way, I am and I do. But I'll put that into better perspective later.)

So see, you may already hate me and want this to work as just as badly as I do.

Good. It's a grand feeling to have supporters for once.

So anyway, back to the business of me trying to kill myself. Again, after trying for so long, I don't think it would work. If I were placing bets on this against some innocent spectators, I'll probably bring in a haul.

Ugh! I'm going off topic again. I guess anything would be more interesting than death after you've dealt with it for centuries eh?

But once again, I move on to the process of my death (hopefully).

The way I've set this up, it should (stress on the _should_) be full proof. But like I said earlier, I have tried to end it this way a known three-thousand and forty-eight times. But I tweaked some things from the last attempts.

The rope hung from the supporting center beam of the warehouse's ceiling. The wood was a hunk of strong sturdy wood, most likely oak. However it was aged, chipped, and left jagged from all the years.

I guess I should mention is that the warehouse where I'm trying my dark deed is abandoned, left behind and long forgotten in all the cities urbanization projects. In fact, it's placed right in the center of one of the city's most run down and drug infested areas.

Now and days, this place is more than likely used to house crack-heads, rapist, and whores. So the fact that I'm gonna burn it to the ground means that Ima do a lot of people of favor.

So here's the plan: That rope that I've got tied to that center beam is supporting a humongous blade, kinda like the ones that Medieval England used to use for chopping of people's heads, only this one is more ax like.

Here's where the tweaking began. Before hand, during my earlier three-thousand plus attempts of using this method, I used flimsy blades. First, actually using that thin sheet of pointed metal that humans used during the Medieval times. Plain and simple, that didn't work.

Apparently you can't kill the supernatural with flimsy sheets of metal.

Huh.

Go figure.

Next, after a couple of centuries of trying, I moved on to thicker more sturdy pieces of the substance. Going back a few time periods, I tried out axes, actually borrowing a weapon I'd collected from the Vikings when they were still around. Even though they caused hardly any damage at all, the curved angle of the blade did give me some trajectory ideas.

So I kept building on this idea for millennia to come (though in between that building period, I did try out other more drastic methods) and here I am today!

The ax blade raised above is about as long as the average human arm/wing-span, about eight feet in length, and two feet thick. Composed of titanium-steel alloy and weighing about four-hundred pounds, it was amazing that only one piece of (very stressed) rope was able to hold it. Another improvement to the first piece of my death machine (Ha ha! Death machine. What? You don't find that funny? Well just keep on reading.) is that on top of sharpening the blade for three months, I laced the pointed edge with about six million dollars worth of diamonds.

They're supposed to be the hardest substance on Earth, so even though alone they won't kill me, they could contribute some help in the process.

Positioned directly below the raised ax (about fifty yards down) was an alter made solely of wood. There were no chains on the chopping block; I wasn't going to try to run anywhere. Ha! I bet when compared to the ax, the block doesn't seem fancy now does it? But here's where my next enhancement comes into play.

Strapped to beams of wood that built the alter were enough C4 packets to sink a small ship. And I went with small because, again, this is in a neighborhood (no matter how run down it may be) and I don't want to take anyone before there time.

How caring of me.

On second thought, not really. But who cares?

I don't.

So anyway, yeah, a lot of C4. When it comes time for me to lie across the alter, I'll be holding a dead-man's switch, and the second that blade touches my skin, I'll let it go. Then boom! Big explosion.

And yet, according to theory (and the results of a lot of trial and error), this still won't be enough to do the job. So in comes my next addition.

Along with my disgust for druggies and prostitutes causing me to take out one of their places of business, there was another reason why I chose an old, abandoned warehouse to commit this act.

I did say I was going to burn it to the ground didn't I?

Thick in the air was a strong scent of ethanol, methane and petroleum- gasoline. I'd drenched the place, yet strategically doing so, so when I was lying across that alter, I could see when the flames cut through the rope and sent the blade falling down on my body. Plus, if this worked (please let it work) the accelerated flames would clean up afterwards.

After making sure everything was in place, I lifted my body to lie across the alter, putting myself in the path of the ax so when it was released, in theory, it would fall laterally across my stomach and saw me in half. The dead-man's switch was lying right next to my head and I would grab it when I was ready.

Reaching into my inline breast pocket, I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and tapped on the pack until a lone butt popped out. After pulling out the cig with my teeth, I tossed the pack somewhere across the room. Hopefully I wouldn't be needing those in the future.

I made myself comfortable, glad that I built the wood table to accommodate my height, and lit up, taking a long drag. The rush of nicotine into my bloodstream gave me a high. I'll never understand the need for marijuana, speed, or rock; rat-poison and tobacco did me just fine.

I blew out, releasing a billow of smoke. I tried to look through the fumes, to see past all the suffering and the loneliness. Past all the bullshit.

To try to see _her._

I closed my eyes and prayed, practically begged for this to work. I needed to see her. I needed to be with her.

It was all I wanted.

We should have never have been separated. I should have protected her more.

I should have _protected_ her. Not have had a hand in her death.

Maybe when I finally did succeed, when I finally did die, she wouldn't want to see me. It would be my punishment, one I no doubt deserved.

But she had died with a smile on her beautiful face after kissing me goodbye while I clung to her body trying to hold her there.

I just needed to see to find out.

After taking one last drag, I grabbed the switched in my left hand.

It was time.

I looked up at the dangling ax above one last time then closed my eyes, praying again, and then flicked my lit cigarette across the room. Because of the gas, flames came roaring to life in an instant.

I turned my head and cracked an eye, watching as the floor quickly converted from concrete into a sea of flames. The thick black smoke made me want to scratch my eyes out of the sockets but soon I could see the fire had reached my target and started to knick at the tightened rope holding the blade.

Okay. Here we go.

There was a snap, and the blade was cutting through the air. At the last possible second I took my finger off the switch.

In hind sight, I guess I was too hyped up to see that a faint red glow started to emit from my body.

So the blade fell, stretched across the skin of my stomach, and…

Broke. Cracked right down the fucking center.

"SHIT!" I screamed before the blast of the C4 drowned out my screams and sent me flying.

I landed on the other side of the warehouse, hitting the ground hard (though I'm sure I didn't even get a scratch) and landing in a sea of flames.

I cried out in anger and disappointment. I was in the fire, but I couldn't even feel the flames. The blast had blown the long coat I was wearing off my shoulders, but my skin was still as perfect as ever.

"DAMN IT ALL TO BLOODY FUCKIN' HELL!"

Life wasn't fair.

I looked up to see the splinters that once was the alter disintegrate into ashes.

Life wasn't fair.

I saw the two halves that was once one ax lie on the floor and yet, I was still in one piece.

Life wasn't fair.

Tears stung my eyes that had nothing to do with the smoke.

"Fuck", I whispered before I slammed my fist into the floor, breaking through though the concrete in the floor and causing cracks to spread across the floor.

Helplessness filled my body and licked at me like the flames around me did to the warehouse. It wouldn't survive, but I would- unharmed, unscarred, and feeling completely miserable.

"Fuck", I repeated, tears falling unchecked.

I had failed.

Again.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, feeling like shit. To my left, a piece of the roof crashed to the ground.

Outside, the sound of sirens grew louder and louder. But I didn't care. I didn't move.

The faint red glow surrounding my body grew stronger and shined off my skin like a darkened version of the sun. "I'm sorry", I said louder, closing my eyes in a pain that was nothing physical.

I continued to glow and then I could feel the two slits in my back spread, separating the skin. "I'm so sorry", I cried again as sobs wreaked havoc on my body.

The sirens grew louder and I could hear people yelling outside above the roar of the fire.

There was a sickening crack before my two wings, black as sin, emerged from my back, surrounding me with the soft feathers of night.

I was filled with guilt, disappointment, and exhaustion.

"I'm sorry", I lamented again as pain tore at my heart.

"I failed you again Shaolin."

* * *

**One last note: I am working on "Second Chapters" for all my multi-chapped fics, even the ones I haven't posted yet. So yeah. When Ima gonna post these following chapters: I don't know. **

**Ima in the mood to write, but post, not so much. So please bear with me. I'll try to snap out of it pretty soon though.**

**As always: Thanks for reading.**

**Yorusoi**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The sirens outside the door grew louder still. Apparently I had caused quite the fire, because it sounded like at least seven fire trucks were surrounding the place. The flames reached as high as the ceiling, fed by the accelerate I had added earlier, so that would make some sense.

No, no, no, no, no! This wasn't how things were supposed to go! I was supposed to get it right this time! I was supposed to be _dead_ right now! Bathing in the sweet waters of Lethe in an attempt to drown out my sorrows, oh how ignorance is bliss.

No, that wouldn't do either; I owe her so much more than that, and I should never be allowed to forget…

'_I'll be waiting for you.'_

The shrill of screams coming from beyond the buckling walls of the building brought me out of my reprieve. Above the roar of the flames, I could make out the sounds of random human spectators musing over my work, reporters scrambling around trying to get a story, and the authorities rushing trying to control the madness.

Huh. Madness.

Szayel Aporro Granz must be having a grand ole time out there.

'_Oh you know I am',_ came the mental response from the Aspect. _'Humans are such a mindless bother. We should just wipe them all away, or enslave them and use them as test subjects. At least then, they could be of _some _use.'_

I groaned. I didn't want to deal with his 'I-hate-all-humans' attitude right now. It gets annoying after a couple thousand years. _'Get out of my head!'_ I screamed at him with my mind. Quickly I wipe away the tears rolling down my face, trying to get a handle on my emotions.

I would _not_ cry in front of an Aspect, or anyone else for that matter, but especially not before a mother fuckin' Aspect. One negative emotion would bring all ten of them here flocking like flies.

'_Oh come on!'_ Szayel continued. I noticed that the amount of chaos outside was starting to increase like the flames inside the warehouse. _'Don't be so grumpy that your little attempt failed again. Honestly I don't even know why you try _Shinigami no Kami.'

He sneered the title, stressing the reason why I couldn't die. _'I said shut the fuck up! Why are you even here?'_

Outside the fire fighters were readying themselves to bust into the building, too bad for them I safeguarded the door. No mortal would be able to open that door for the next four days.

'_Do you think that I would sit around and miss this? This is like most amount of entertainment that I've had in nearly four-hundred years!'_

God! Why was he still talking to me? '_Lucky you.'_ I replied. _'Now get out of my head, this isn't a request _Aspect._ It's an order!'_

'_Of course, as you wish, _Shinigami no Kami.' Again with the tone! He sounded like he was trying to placate a fussy child, not as if he were addressing his superior.

I'd mop the floor with him later. (Ugh! There was going to be a _later_!)

When he dropped his mental link to me, I quickly set up a mental block. I didn't need, nor did I want to talk to anyone right now, especially the Aspect of Madness. I already had enough inner chaos to drive the Cosmos insane and still have some left over to fill the other dimensions.

There was a thundering crack against the door, and I shook my head at their efforts. Mortals really could be entertaining at times with thinking that they could best the strength of the supernatural, at other times that foolish pride could be annoying as all hell.

Guess which one of these times I'm referring to now?

I reluctantly broke the mental block in my mind.

'_You rang milady?' _Another scream could be heard, just evidence of another person losing their mind while watching the scene from the outside. (Huh. I wonder if it's a crack-head realizing that they'd have to get stoned somewhere else? Then again, who cares?)

A sneer crossed my face. _'Don't be a smart ass'_, I sent back with a cough. These fumes were getting suffocating and the smoke was making me want to claw my eyes out. Then I got an idea: fumes! Maybe this wasn't a lost cause! I could suffocate!

Szayel groaned and I could just picture him rolling his eyes. _'Oh for all of the Cosmos! Just give it up already!'_

I opened my mouth and dragged in as much of the thick black smog as I could and held it. The bellows of my lungs, not used to handling this amount of vaporized poison, spasmed in protest, maybe this _was _the key.

'_It's not gonna woorrrk'_, Madness continued in a sing-song voice.

"Fuck off," I coughed out aloud in reply, knowing that he could easily hear me. Damn, now I'd have to start over.

'_Just sayin.'_

I, ignored him this time and tried again, only to cough again at the smoke. It seems like the only thing that I've managed to succeed at with my earlier attempt was to weaken the strength of my aura, making me susceptible to these earthly agitations.

Not enough to kill, but enough to piss me off.

'_Well what do you expect? You practically blew the goddamn thing off with that bomb. Your aura is so stripped__, I'm surprised that you're not writhing in pain right now.'_

It sucks to be me.

'_Would you shut up for fucking five seconds!'_, I yelled at the rambling Aspect, completely ignoring the fact that he was right. _'Just because I drop a mental block, it doesn't mean it's an invitation for you to start babbling!_

He snorted, probably losing interest at what I had to say already. Outside the burning building, the crowd grew more restless, and the feeling of desperation increased.

He's such an ass.

'_So what do you want?'_

'_Simple'_ , I replied with a smirk on my face. This smoke was getting on my nerves now, rubbing them raw. Due to my severely damaged aura (which wasn't apart of the equation might I add!) I was more sensitive to things that I should be. _'I want you to leave.'_

And I did. I craved his, and everyone else's absence. I wanted everyone to just fucking leave me alone to suffer in this billowy pit of darkness so I could think of a more effective way to take myself out the picture.

Her angelic voice came to me. '_I'll be waiting for you.' _

I'm trying, with everything I am, I'm trying. If I could just get to you, if I could just see you one more time.

If I just had a second chance, I would've made a different choice. I've would have made a _different_ choice!

I sat crouched there broken in the sea of flames with my knees hilled under my chin. Without thought, onyx feathers surrounded me- a cocoon of sorrow. Szayel could probably hear me, but right now I didn't care. I'd failed her again.

What was I, who was I, if I couldn't even kill myself?

'_It's what makes you who you are, what makes you what you are. As us all.'_

I snorted. Whatever. I hated both who and what I was. Now more than ever.

Above me, the roof exploded flinging sheets of metal in every direction. Windows started to shatter out and glass rained down around me. Outside more spectators screamed in horror and I could make out the sounds of pain as well as the call for the authorities to fall back from the building.

Sounded like someone got hurt, bad. With a sigh, I pulled on my Second Sight causing the golden rings of my eyes to tinge sapphire, and scan all the mortals' life spans. Numbers raced by me, a spinning vortex of counting timer winding down. All were heading backwards in different variations of speed, all from different starting points.

It only took me a second to find the fatally wounded firefighter. A male at the age of thirty-one, blond, blue-eyed.

James Willson. That's Willson with two L's. It was his clock that was spinning back faster than nobody's business. He wouldn't die today, but that blast would take three years off his life. His comrades rushed him into a nearby ambulance.

Oops. My bad.

A fierce laugh rang out in the air, so strong that I could feel the smoke shift to the other side of the room. Outside, a nearby car exploded.

Damn it all. I couldn't catch a break today could I?

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez swooped down through the hole in the roof he just made, laughing like a stupid maniac. Lightning blue eyes took in the scene like a rabied dog itching to bite. I can tell the destructive feature of the fire was getting him off.

Weirdo.

"Aww, someone's grumpy 'cause they didn't wake up in Hell," he chuckled.

"Funny", I spat back, my eyes were just ready to jump out of my skull. " I thought I was already there."

He laughed again and Szayel joined in. "You got close", Grimmjow said gesturing to our current setting. "But this place is nowhere near as exciting though."

I groaned. "Why are you all showing up, I didn't summon you."

"You might as well", they replied at the same time.

Before I could bite back a response, the red glow of my aura reappeared and my wings began to itch.

" Oh, what's this?", Grimmjow mocked as another beam fell to the ground.

The glowing grew in intensity until I was shining like the freaking sun. As I got brighter, a new sensation took over leaving my limbs heavy. The light began to die down leaving my body covered in blood red shackle and chains. Two were wrapped around each of my wrists and ankles and two more reached up to ensnare my calves and biceps. "Shit!", I yelled upon seeing my comfindments.

But to make matters worse, the final chain appeared and wrapped itself around my neck. Once secure, the slack opposite ends of the chains tightened and lifted skyward, shooting upward through the hole in the roof.

Then came the pull.

Too bad for those bastards I was ready for it. I braced myself, so when the chain yanked again, I was only dragged fifteen feet across the floor instead of being pulled into the air.

Grimmjow laughed again Szayel snickered. "It looks like _you're _the one being summoned _Shinigami no Kami_!" the former taunted.

I knew what this was. Yeah, I was being summoned alright. It was more like being called to an audience though.

Against my will.

I was getting summoned to the Mediator's Door.

Completely ticked, I wrapped my arm around its lifted chain and pulled back, automatically stopping my movement. How dare they! How fucking dare they think they can _drag me_ in? I may be suicidal, but I'm nobody's slave! You don't drag me into anywhere!

In response to my behavior, the endings of the chains lifted higher and pulled harder. I was getting under their skin.

Good. Welcome to my existence.

"Why don't you just go?", asked the Aspect of Maddness , his voice was just dripping with boredom. I haven't heard anyone scream in a while, so I know he was growing tired screwing with the mortals.

Just because he said something, I put more effort into my resistance. "No one drags me anywhere. I'm nobody's bitch."

"Ha! I wouldn't say that!", the Aspect of Destruction scoffed. True to his name, he was currently busy working on dismantling the last few beams that held up the other half of the roof, causing it to crash to the floor.

Note to self: Kick all the Aspect's asses once I get home, even if they weren't here. (I'm sure they'd earn it later anyways.)

Maddness sighed as his eyes roamed the room for the umpteenth time. "Just go, this place is way beyond dead."

'_Yeah, but I'm not with it.'_

"Oh get over it already!" Destruction yelled, turning to leave. "I'm outta here, this is lame!" He turned to give me a vindictive smile and a mock salute. "See ya after ya get ass handed back to ya!" Then he faded from existence.

"I'm leaving too. I'm tired of being in the same place as mortals." Szayel said with a disgusted shiver, and then he too disappeared.

I sighed in relief. I was finally alone. Now to readjust my calculations…

The chains jerked harder in response, and I growled. Throwing my hand, I cut the chains causing the chains to break and red aura petals to rain all around me. "I'm coming! Keep your goddamned panties on old man!"

With a sigh I stood. _'Soon'_ I made the promise more than myself. _'I'll get it right soon. Just wait for me Shoalin.'_

Standing, I finally spread my wings, the color almost blending in with the smoke. With one thrust, I was shooting into the air quicker than the natural eye could make out. I was depressed, pissed, and aching.

Just the perfect mood for a date with the Mediator.

**AN: Yeah, I just realized that this is going to have a slow start. So this will be more of a Yoruichi thing for a while, but we'll get to Soi… uhh eventually? I'm enjoying myself, and this pace so I think I'll keep it. But I will have action in the next chappie.**

**BTW, has anyone guessed what Yoruichi is yet?? LOL!**


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